Here Comes Another Bubble

Now for some Friday fun.

And now, the lyrics to “Here Comes Another Bubble”, from the Richter Scales (though admittedly, the lyrics are all in the video already…)

got me a cs degree
honor roll, MIT
moved to palo alto
opportunity knocked

thought i had the perfect plan
took a job at webvan
traded in my twenties
for a worthless pile of tech stock

suffered through the market crash
lost a giant wad of cash
pink slips, burger flips
would you like some fries?

happy days are here again
larry page, sergey brin
time to write a business plan
so i can be like those guys!

Chorus:
here comes another bubble
it’s a monster rally
all around the valley

first you need a buzzword
then a second and a third
pick at least two industries
you’ll revolutionize

find yourself an engineer
feed him pizza, buy him a beer
give him just a fraction
of a fraction of the pie

need a good domain name
must be cheap, can’t be lame
something cool like
flickr, meebo, wikiyou, mahalo, bebo

“telephone” without the “t”
“digg” but with triple “g”
make your elevator pitch
code it up and flip the switch

Chorus:
here comes another bubble
the VCs are backing
baby let’s get cracking

blog blog blog it all
blog it if it’s big or small
blog at the cineplex
blog while you’re having sex

blog in the locker room
babies blogging in the womb
blog even if you’re wrong
won’t you blog about this song?

launch party, nicely dressed
what’s the point? sausage fest
blue shirts, khaki pants
looking like a line of ants

need to get a facebook page
all these guys are half my age
twenty nine, past my prime
i feel so behind the times

Chorus:
here comes another bubble
in a year we swear
we’ll all be billionaires

make yourself a million bucks
partly skill, mostly luck
now you can afford a down payment
on a small house

if you want a bigger one
hillsborough, atherton
better hope the same thing
happens to your spouse

IPO… lucky you
have your cake and eat it too
private yacht, party jet
why not buy a matching set?

build yourself a rocket ship
blast off on an ego trip
can this really be the end?
back to work you go again

Chorus:
here comes another bubble
and when we are gone
this will still go on
and on and on and on and on
and on and on and
POP!

Overheard in the Office

Overheard in the Office Now for some Friday fun. Do you work in a large office? Do you hate your job? Are your coworkers idiots?

Well, you’re not alone. Take, for instance, the idiots overheard and quoted here on the surreptitiously funny blog, Overheard in the Office. Hours of aural voyeuristic fun! Enjoy!

New girl: Why is the door to the file room always locked?
Veteran: Because someone might steal something.
New girl: Who all has a key?
Veteran: Everybody.
. . .

Coworker packing her stuff as she quits: Jesus will pay my unemployment! I cannot work around you, the wicked!
. . .

Lady peon #1: Chipotle’s burritos are, like, so good!
Lady peon #2: Yeah, I know. Carol*, have you ever had one?
Carol: Uh, I’ve never been out of the country…
. . .

Worker bee: I don’t have his cell phone, but he’s always at his desk… Except when he isn’t.
. . .

Manager: What motivates you to do your best job possible?
Interviewee: Well, I don’t do anything half-assed… Yeah, I like to put my whole ass into everything I do.
. . .

Office hottie #1: Just think of all the stuff we put in our mouths that we don’t think about…
Office hottie #2: Ummm…
. . .

Boss to assistant: Well, I don’t remember what all I had, um, asked you to do before I went on vacation, but did you, like, um, do it?
. . .

Manager: Did you see the game last night?
Coordinator: I was drunk. [Takes bite of Oreo.]
Manager: Huh?
Coordinator: Yeah, I’m drunk every day. S’matter of fact, I’m drunk right now!
. . .

Office girl #1: I don’t like lettuce.
Office girl #2: You don’t eat lettuce? Why’d you get a salad?
Office girl #1: Because I need to lose weight! I’m getting fat!
Office girl #2: What else is that in your salad?
Office girl #1: Chicken.
Office girl #2: Grilled or fried?
Office girl #1: Ummm… Fried…
Office girl #2: Uh-huh… Is that cheese I see in there?
Office girl #1: Yes!
Office girl #2: And are those Bacon Bits?
Office girl #1: Shut up! And no, it’s real bacon!
Office girl #2: And you aren’t gonna eat the lettuce?
Office girl #1: I will stab you with my fork! Go away!
. . .

Coworker #1: Congrats on your bush transplant!
Coworker #2: Thanks!
Coworker #3, overhearing: Uh, yeah, congrats on your bush transplant. I didn’t know that was a procedure. Was it medically necessary?
Coworker #2 to #1: You should have said ‘shrubbery’ instead!
. . .

Female coworker, as another is delivered flowers: Every time I see the flower delivery guy I hope it’s for me. I wish someone would send me something nice like that. Oh, well. I’ll just take a piece of chocolate from the candy dish.
Male coworker: That’s right, decrease your chances even further.
. . .

Sales rep #1: Here’s that spreadsheet. I hid the columns you didn’t need so it would fit on one page.
Sales rep #2: How did you do that? I have been cutting and pasting all this time!
Sales rep #1: Cutting and pasting?
Sales rep #2, pulling out three pieces of paper, cut and taped together to make one big spreadsheet: See? I cut and pasted!
. . .

Office mate on speakerphone: I need to send my printer back. It isn’t working.
CSR for printer company: Okay, I can set up a return shipment and get you a label and address to send yours back. What is your e-mail address, sir? [He relates e-mail address.] Okay, when you get the link on the e-mail I just sent you, print the FedEx label and put it on the box to ship it.
Office mate: Um, well, my printer is broken, which is why I am sending it back…
CSR: I understand that, sir, so what I have done to speed up the process is send you a shipping label all prepared for you to ship the box out.
Office mate: How am I supposed to do that if my printer is broken?!
CSR: Well, you print it up and put it on the box.
Office mate: Okay, when we are done with this, I would like to order an instructional DVD on how to setup my DVD player.
CSR: I’m not following you, sir. I thought your problem was with your printer. We don’t have DVD players.
Office mate: Dude, you’re killing me! Can I speak to a supervisor, please?
. . .

Boss looking at her new laptop: There are too many keys.
. . .

Suit #1: Hey, Jeff*, has there ever been a Friday-the-13th on a Monday?
Suit #2: Uh…
Suit #1: Man, that would be the worst day ever.
. . .

Peon #1: Mmmm… I love these doughnuts. I could even eat them without the icing, the dough is so soft.
Peon #2: Like your flesh.
. . .

Suit #1: What was that?
Suit #2: What?
Suit #1: You just hid something when I came up.
Suit #2: It was my juice box, because it’s… You know…
Suit #1: What? There’s nothing wrong with drinking juice from a box. I love juice boxes.
Assistant, walking up: What are you guys talking about?
Both suits, in unison: Nothing.
. . .

Sales person: Hmmm… Are you doing the billing today since Sherry* is out?
Trainee: I’m going to try.
Sales person: Well, don’t mess up my billing or I’ll kick your ass.
Trainee: Promise?
Sales person: Oh, yes.
Trainee: My pain is your pleasure.
Sales person: You and I will get along fine.
. . .

Office girl on phone: I’m sorry, he’s not in right now. Is there something I can do to you? Shit. I mean for you?
. . .

Male peon: So, where are you guys located, anyway?
Customer: We’re in Guyana.
Male peon: Oh, over in Africa, eh?
Black coworker, yelling from four cubicles over to male peon: Stan*, you’re an idiot!
. . .

Lady coworker #1 reading a website: Here it says, ‘Sleep is the best cure for a headache.’
Lady coworker #2: My boyfriend always says sex is the best cure for a headache… He’s lying to me!
. . .

Boss: Do you have five minutes so I can talk to you for a sec?
. . .

Optimizing Google for Google

Google Now for some Friday fun. You’ve heard of Search Engine Optimization (SEO), yea? That’s when you do things to your website to make it rank higher in a search engine’s search results. A whole industry has sprouted around knowing how to do these techniques well and consulting on such techniques.

Coincidentally, I’ve learned quite a bit of SEO myself too, after having worked at Yahoo! (YHOO), so if you need an SEO consultant, let me know!

All shameless plugging aside, optimizing for Google (GOOG) has become such a science that it just begs for a parody.

A parody, you say? Why, Here’s one!

This is the brainchild of the hilarious Gene McKenna of Kango.com. He built this about two weeks ago and it’s been tossed around the Web quite a bit since then (so if this is old news to you, my apologies). Props to Gene though, for much hilarity!

The Spinning Dancer

Spinning Dancer Now for some Friday fun. Take a look at this right brain vs left brain test from PerthNow.

Which way does the dancer spin for you? Clockwise, or counter-clockwise?

For me, she spun counter-clockwise. Then I looked away, looked back, and holy good gravy Batman, she started spinning clockwise!

Steven Levitt, author of Freakonomics, wrote about this on Monday and asked his readers to provide the following information:

Just for fun, list your college major, your occupation, and which way the dancer spins for you. We’ll tally the data and see what we find.

A ton of people have already left their information. It’ll be interesting to see the results.

Ideas from Ironic Sans

Ironic Sans Now for some Friday fun. David Friedman of Ironic Sans has had some great product ideas, and some not-necessarily-great, but oh-so-funny ones too.

Of the latter kind, here are my top picks:

Is this guy a genius or what?

Prank War

CollegeHumor Now for some Friday fun. A friend just tipped me off about this. Two guys from CollegeHumor, Streeter Seidell (a Frontpage Editor) and Amir Blumenfeld (a Senior Writer) have been involved in a Prank War for last 7 months or so.

It started innocently enough, when Streeter played an iTunes prank on Amir. Then Amir retaliated with a fake date. From there, it gets nasty. Real nasty. The kind of nasty that makes you go “Oooo did he really just do that??”

The latest prank by Amir is a classic. I’d recommend watching the whole series in chronological order to see how they go from Ha ha! to Oh DAMN! But if you’re the type to read the end of a mystery novel first, here’s the latest (and greatest, IMO) prank:

Not only are some of these pranks hilarious, but they’re also a great vehicle for self-promotion. These two have been getting calls left and right. Newspapers, radio stations, even DeadSpin.com interviewed Amir about this prank (to which he said, “I kinda felt bad about that”).

Since these two guys are humor writers and comedians, this is some fantastic publicity. Sure, it’s costing them a bit (in terms of dignity and girlfriends, perhaps?), but I’m sure they’re going to get noticed by some “industry people.”

It’s probably also generating some great traffic for CollegeHumor. I myself just watched a bunch of other videos there, as I eagerly await Streeter’s next revenge prank. Muhahaha!

I Can Has $4000 A Week?

I m in ur internet cloging ur tubes Now for some Friday fun. As you may know (and silently feel embarrassment for me over), I’ve been not-so-secretly coveting lolcats, especially the site I Can Has Cheezburger?

Well, for you lolparty-poopers, did you know you can make about $4000 a week with lolcats? Yes! At least, according to the Unusual Business Ideas That Work blog:

Eric Nakagawa, a software developer in Hawaii, posted a single photo of a fat, smiling cat he found on the Internet, with the caption, “I can has cheezburger?” in January, 2007, at a Web site he created. It was supposed to be a joke.

This joke, which Nakagawa monetizes with advertising (or, should I say, loladvertising?), now brings in anywhere from $500 to $4000 per week.

While posting pictures of lolcats is fun, it’s hardly a scalable business if he has to find the photos, caption them, select the best ones, and publish them every day.

So Nakagawa intelligently built the ICanHasCheezBurger Factory, a tool that lets viewers submit their own pictures, caption them, and vote on their favorites. The most popular ones are then published on the main blog, while he gets to sit back and collect the money. Talk about automated lolgenius!

In fact, I know a friend who, during one sunny day, uploaded 2GB of photos. TWO GIGABYTES. Holy lolcat!

I don’t know how long the lolcat trend will continue. But if you look at how media and entertainment is going the way of niche markets, perhaps niche blogs like I Can Has Cheezburger and Cute Overload will be around for quite a lolwhile.

The Caffeine Curve

Now for some Friday fun. This pic seems to be circulating the Interweb quite a bit; a friend forwarded it to me earlier this week.

Every entrepreneur lives off of caffeine one way or another. So what exactly happens when we ingest copious amounts of caffeine throughout the day?

Glad you asked. As this highly-scientific chart shows, you can reach deity-level elation at your peak, for those wonderful orgasms of creativity. Then you can drop down so low that you’re playing Duck Hunt with your neighbor’s dog.

The Caffeine Curve

Colorado-based cartoonist Tom Edwards is behind this hilarity. He’s pretty sure that he’s “the only cartoonist in the world who distributes his one panel cartoon almost exclusively on wheel-thrown porcelain pots.”

I’m not sure if he intended this pic to be a viral marketing gem, but it seems to have worked. This pic is on Digg and countless other blogs. He’s cleverly included his name in the pic, enabling people like me to be able to hunt him down. A smarter tactic would have been to include his URL, but hey, either way, he’s still gaining notoriety.

If you’d like to monitor your daily caffeine intake, you can purchase a mug and support Tom’s art. As an added bonus, you can even fill your mug with your favorite caffeinated beverage. Fun!