BizThoughts

Now for some Friday Fun. This just in from the fabulously accurate and oh-so-informative news source, The Onion:

Due in large part to the encouragement of her so-called friends, 34-year-old Karen Sabin quit her steady job to make and sell homemade gourmet dog biscuits out of her home, the former hospital receptionist told reporters Monday.

It's a heroic story of a small-town girl finding her entrepreneurial passion with the encouragement of her friends.

Sabin said she arrived at the idea of producing gourmet dog biscuits in May, not through careful market research, but through a discussion with [her friend Angie] Anderton.

Who needs market research when you have friends like Anderton?

In the past three weeks, Sabin has given out nearly 60 dog biscuits and sold almost twice that many, all to friends. By conservative estimates, unless she experiences a 4,000 percent increase in sales, Sabin will be forced out of business before the end of the year.

A 4,000% increase really isn't that much. It's like 4%, but with 3 zeroes behind it. When you look at it that way, it's not so bad.

We all could learn from brave entrepreneurial Sabin here. Got an idea and some encouraging friends? It doesn't matter if the idea sucks or not. Quit your job and start at it!

Props to: Eric Rodriguez

Now for some Friday fun. David Friedman of Ironic Sans has proven once more that he's a font of ideas.

Check this one out. This is just awesome. Pure genius! Gold, Jerry! Gold! (I ripped that off of a commenter.)

I’ve got a name for a bar that doesn’t seem to exist already as far as my Google Search can tell (I’m sure someone will tell me if I’m wrong). This bar would probably best be located in Silicon Valley:

I also liked The Foo Bar and The Space Bar, both also suggestions from commenters. And hmmm, how about The Toolbar? Or The Taskbar? The Scrollbar? Okay, I'll stop now.

Now for some Friday fun. If you work in the web industry and do web design, web development, SEO, affiliate marketing, and/or web standards, you've seen this by now. (If not, where have you been?)

Who's behind this rhyme? Charles (Chuck) Lewis, the Houston, TX guy who's background is as varied as a spin of the roulette wheel. He's been rapping since his early teen years at his local church. His style of gospel rap earned him the moniker the Poetic Prophet. After a few false starts, he started a record label called Mo Serious Entertainment to promote himself and some other acts.

Somewhere along the line, he became a Project Coordinator/Marketing Specialist for Pop Labs, where, I'm guessing, he learned about the complicated world of search engines, web standards, and ever-changing web browsers.

One day, inspiration struck him, and he began applying his rapping skills to his new trade. He recorded a handful of YouTube videos that became viral. And now, he's being mentioned on Valleywag, Compiler from Wired.com, and ShoeMoney.

Looks like his SEO rap has been great for his SEO.

Now for some Friday Fun.

Eric:

I dare you to walk up to a restaurant table and start eating off of someone's plate.

Me:

How about I give you… fifty bucks to do it?

Eric:

I'll bet if you had a video camera, you could do with no problem. All you'd have to do is walk up, eat some food, and as soon as they start getting mad, jump out with the camera and tell them they're on TV. People will let you get away with anything if they think they're on TV.

Me:

Hey, that's true.

Eric:

I'll bet you could even make a business out of it. Go around taking food off of people's plates and pretending to film it.

Me:

After a few weeks, you might even get a good ROI for your camera.

Eric:

Or you could be really cheap and return the camera at Costco.

Me:

This could be done for all kinds of pranks too. You could go around pretending to sample people's dishes, drink their wine, all kinds of stuff. It could be made into an ongoing series, or maybe into a funny way to do restaurant reviews, sort of like Yelp, YouTube, and CollegeHumor having a threesome.

Eric:

You should totally do this, man.

Me:

Hmm, where's the nearest Costco?

Now for some Friday fun. I wish I had seen this before Valentine's Day. But Easter could do just as nicely.

Need a plush toy to give to that special someone? Special as in "twelve donuts short a pack of dozen" special. Or want a furry & squishy toy for your cubicle, the kind that will get your cubemates to inch their chairs away from you or request transfers?

Why not get a Roadkill Toy!

What's a Roadkill Toy? It's a plush stuffed animal resembling, um, roadkill - complete with popped eyeballs, extruded guts, and tire marks. How adorable!

The founders of Roadkill Toys describe themselves as avant-garde toy designers "Toy Terrorists".

We take standard toys and we mess with them. We like toys that don't take themselves too seriously. Toys with a bit of humour. Toys with a twist.

The founding team is made up of three buddies from a school in the UK (the place where they funny spellings for words, like "colour" and "humour"): Adam Arber, Mike Velcro, and Charlie Bradshaw.

So far, they have one toy that's ready for sale: Twitch the Raccoon for £25.00. It's not just a furry plush toy that you can place next to your ultra-soft Gund bear either. They've taken pains to create a "realistic squidgy effect". Squash-plush, they call it. The outside is made of a special material to give it the "tactile quality of mangy fur" and the guts (or Gut-plush) are made of "stretchy thin material that squidges and bulges under your fingers". Similar to a Japanese Barbapapa plush toy, apparently.

This kind of attention to quality is admirable. Sick, but admirable. Their next product will be Grind the Rabbit, which they're aiming to have released for Easter.

The toy business is tough. It's controlled by trends, marketing, holidays, and the fickle demands of hyperactive kids. Well, except maybe for that last part. Traditionally, toy designers have aimed at children. Now, there's an increasing number aiming at adults too. Roadkill Toys is one. Uglydolls is another, with, well, ugly dolls. ThinkGeek carries a bunch as well (for the more techie-minded adults). And Happy Worker's action figures are targeted toward working professionals.

It's a market that's clearly growing. And lots of toy designers are clawing for a piece of these consumers. Which makes me wonder: what will this market be called? Adult toys, as opposed to children's toys? Happy Worker's founder Kris Schantz gave Entrepreneur Magazine this piece of advice on creating toys for adults: "Don't call your products 'adult toys'. We made that mistake the first week. Now we say we make 'toys for big kids.'" Oh. Ha, oops.

So Easter is coming up! That special someone is really going to appreciate the thought and attention you've given toward selecting a very special, quality toy! Whether it be a semi-realistic Squash-plush Twitch the Raccoon, which sold fast back around December, Grind the Rabbit (whenever it will be available), or an Uglydoll or Happy Worker, I'm sure that special someone will enjoy your gift of an adult toy. Er, I mean, toy for big kid.

Now for some Friday Fun. You've gotta see this video brilliantly-done mash-up of the cute & quirky Lindsay Campbell from Wallstrip (CBS). It's off the hizook!

(The insane mastermind behind this is Wallstrip shooter/editor Terrence Elenteny. Awesome job dude!)

Now for some Friday fun.

And now, the lyrics to "Here Comes Another Bubble", from the Richter Scales (though admittedly, the lyrics are all in the video already…)

got me a cs degree
honor roll, MIT
moved to palo alto
opportunity knocked

thought i had the perfect plan
took a job at webvan
traded in my twenties
for a worthless pile of tech stock

suffered through the market crash
lost a giant wad of cash
pink slips, burger flips
would you like some fries?

happy days are here again
larry page, sergey brin
time to write a business plan
so i can be like those guys!

Chorus:
here comes another bubble
it's a monster rally
all around the valley

first you need a buzzword
then a second and a third
pick at least two industries
you'll revolutionize

find yourself an engineer
feed him pizza, buy him a beer
give him just a fraction
of a fraction of the pie

need a good domain name
must be cheap, can't be lame
something cool like
flickr, meebo, wikiyou, mahalo, bebo

"telephone" without the "t"
"digg" but with triple "g"
make your elevator pitch
code it up and flip the switch

Chorus:
here comes another bubble
the VCs are backing
baby let's get cracking

blog blog blog it all
blog it if it's big or small
blog at the cineplex
blog while you're having sex

blog in the locker room
babies blogging in the womb
blog even if you're wrong
won't you blog about this song?

launch party, nicely dressed
what's the point? sausage fest
blue shirts, khaki pants
looking like a line of ants

need to get a facebook page
all these guys are half my age
twenty nine, past my prime
i feel so behind the times

Chorus:
here comes another bubble
in a year we swear
we'll all be billionaires

make yourself a million bucks
partly skill, mostly luck
now you can afford a down payment
on a small house

if you want a bigger one
hillsborough, atherton
better hope the same thing
happens to your spouse

IPO… lucky you
have your cake and eat it too
private yacht, party jet
why not buy a matching set?

build yourself a rocket ship
blast off on an ego trip
can this really be the end?
back to work you go again

Chorus:
here comes another bubble
and when we are gone
this will still go on
and on and on and on and on
and on and on and
POP!

Now for some Friday fun. Do you work in a large office? Do you hate your job? Are your coworkers idiots?

Well, you're not alone. Take, for instance, the idiots overheard and quoted here on the surreptitiously funny blog, Overheard in the Office. Hours of aural voyeuristic fun! Enjoy!

New girl: Why is the door to the file room always locked?
Veteran: Because someone might steal something.
New girl: Who all has a key?
Veteran: Everybody.
. . .

Coworker packing her stuff as she quits: Jesus will pay my unemployment! I cannot work around you, the wicked!
. . .

Lady peon #1: Chipotle's burritos are, like, so good!
Lady peon #2: Yeah, I know. Carol*, have you ever had one?
Carol: Uh, I've never been out of the country…
. . .

Worker bee: I don't have his cell phone, but he's always at his desk… Except when he isn't.
. . .

Manager: What motivates you to do your best job possible?
Interviewee: Well, I don't do anything half-assed… Yeah, I like to put my whole ass into everything I do.
. . .

Office hottie #1: Just think of all the stuff we put in our mouths that we don't think about…
Office hottie #2: Ummm…
. . .

Boss to assistant: Well, I don't remember what all I had, um, asked you to do before I went on vacation, but did you, like, um, do it?
. . .

Manager: Did you see the game last night?
Coordinator: I was drunk. [Takes bite of Oreo.]
Manager: Huh?
Coordinator: Yeah, I'm drunk every day. S'matter of fact, I'm drunk right now!
. . .

Office girl #1: I don't like lettuce.
Office girl #2: You don't eat lettuce? Why'd you get a salad?
Office girl #1: Because I need to lose weight! I'm getting fat!
Office girl #2: What else is that in your salad?
Office girl #1: Chicken.
Office girl #2: Grilled or fried?
Office girl #1: Ummm… Fried…
Office girl #2: Uh-huh… Is that cheese I see in there?
Office girl #1: Yes!
Office girl #2: And are those Bacon Bits?
Office girl #1: Shut up! And no, it's real bacon!
Office girl #2: And you aren't gonna eat the lettuce?
Office girl #1: I will stab you with my fork! Go away!
. . .

Coworker #1: Congrats on your bush transplant!
Coworker #2: Thanks!
Coworker #3, overhearing: Uh, yeah, congrats on your bush transplant. I didn't know that was a procedure. Was it medically necessary?
Coworker #2 to #1: You should have said 'shrubbery' instead!
. . .

Female coworker, as another is delivered flowers: Every time I see the flower delivery guy I hope it's for me. I wish someone would send me something nice like that. Oh, well. I'll just take a piece of chocolate from the candy dish.
Male coworker: That's right, decrease your chances even further.
. . .

Sales rep #1: Here's that spreadsheet. I hid the columns you didn't need so it would fit on one page.
Sales rep #2: How did you do that? I have been cutting and pasting all this time!
Sales rep #1: Cutting and pasting?
Sales rep #2, pulling out three pieces of paper, cut and taped together to make one big spreadsheet: See? I cut and pasted!
. . .

Office mate on speakerphone: I need to send my printer back. It isn't working.
CSR for printer company: Okay, I can set up a return shipment and get you a label and address to send yours back. What is your e-mail address, sir? [He relates e-mail address.] Okay, when you get the link on the e-mail I just sent you, print the FedEx label and put it on the box to ship it.
Office mate: Um, well, my printer is broken, which is why I am sending it back…
CSR: I understand that, sir, so what I have done to speed up the process is send you a shipping label all prepared for you to ship the box out.
Office mate: How am I supposed to do that if my printer is broken?!
CSR: Well, you print it up and put it on the box.
Office mate: Okay, when we are done with this, I would like to order an instructional DVD on how to setup my DVD player.
CSR: I'm not following you, sir. I thought your problem was with your printer. We don't have DVD players.
Office mate: Dude, you're killing me! Can I speak to a supervisor, please?
. . .

Boss looking at her new laptop: There are too many keys.
. . .

Suit #1: Hey, Jeff*, has there ever been a Friday-the-13th on a Monday?
Suit #2: Uh…
Suit #1: Man, that would be the worst day ever.
. . .

Peon #1: Mmmm… I love these doughnuts. I could even eat them without the icing, the dough is so soft.
Peon #2: Like your flesh.
. . .

Suit #1: What was that?
Suit #2: What?
Suit #1: You just hid something when I came up.
Suit #2: It was my juice box, because it's… You know…
Suit #1: What? There's nothing wrong with drinking juice from a box. I love juice boxes.
Assistant, walking up: What are you guys talking about?
Both suits, in unison: Nothing.
. . .

Sales person: Hmmm… Are you doing the billing today since Sherry* is out?
Trainee: I'm going to try.
Sales person: Well, don't mess up my billing or I'll kick your ass.
Trainee: Promise?
Sales person: Oh, yes.
Trainee: My pain is your pleasure.
Sales person: You and I will get along fine.
. . .

Office girl on phone: I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Is there something I can do to you? Shit. I mean for you?
. . .

Male peon: So, where are you guys located, anyway?
Customer: We're in Guyana.
Male peon: Oh, over in Africa, eh?
Black coworker, yelling from four cubicles over to male peon: Stan*, you're an idiot!
. . .

Lady coworker #1 reading a website: Here it says, 'Sleep is the best cure for a headache.'
Lady coworker #2: My boyfriend always says sex is the best cure for a headache… He's lying to me!
. . .

Boss: Do you have five minutes so I can talk to you for a sec?
. . .